They don’t have to slap or hit you to bruise and tear you apart. Nothing is much penetrating than being taunted with words, I mean cruel word. So, when you’re always at the receiving end of cruel words, sarcasm communicated with body languages, or just about anything to make you feel less without hitting you. It becomes emotional abuse.
Emotional abuse is often underrated and it’s OK to be abused emotionally because there’s no bruises on the body. What about bruises on the inside? Our emotions can affect our physical health and change us either positively or negatively.
Someone can try so much to manipulate your emotion in an attempt to suit them without going physical on you. This becomes an attempt to control your emotions just like it is with physical abuse. The slight difference is that the emotional abusers don’t use physical objects or attempts, or other physical forms of harm, but, rather plays on your emotions.
This is worst than being abused physically. It takes the mind all to a different new level of suffering, pain, and damage you can’t express. So nobody can really understand how you feel inside.
Life after emotional abuse is so far from being calm after the storm, rather it drives you into a much more confusing state. And the truth is that you’re far from being ok.
I still feel ashamed and inferior among my mates, because my father was emotionally abusive (even to his wife). Thank God, I’m a survior. I often cry myself to sleep after a very bad day. Waking up, my mind is prepared to receive unforgiving words repeated over and over again from him without remorse, and at the same time having him define how I should feel makes it unbearable.
Sometimes even with my mind prepared, I often still find myself being manipulated, controlled and abused emotionally. This is because the people abusing you emotionally don’t find what they are doing to be wrong or see the damages they might be causing you.
Emotional abuse is just about anything done with an intention to cause hurt and pains;
- Undermining your confidence in yourself, worthiness, confidence and trust.
- Making you feel crazy and unstable.
- Subjecting you to state of shame, fear and isolation.
- Or even to control you and how you feel.
We can be emotionally abused by anyone but it hurts most from people we tend to have feelings for. It makes love hurt.
Ways Emotional Abuse Changes You
1. Social Isolation
You isolate yourself, becoming more of an observer than a participant. You’re in between feeling good and bad at the same time. You build up a wall around your heart most times preventing anything from going in and out. Sometimes you can feel hopeless like you’ve lost it and you’re permanently damaged.
It’s always good to feel the pressure and numbness because it allows you to have a better approach to developing a sense of love needed to hold your pains and emotions.
2. Difficulty Trusting People in your life
Having someone you love abuse or let you down, it’s always challenging and difficult attempting to trust again. You always find yourself at the junction of analyzing whatever people say and do whether good or bad. You end up getting rid of the people who actually have nice intentions towards you. It’s more like you rather be alone than have someone make you feel miserable.
3. Zero Percent Self-Esteem
Just like you wake up and say some positive affirmations to yourself, you’re motivated, energized and your self-confidence takes it to the climax stage. Same way, when you always hear all negatives words and abusive comments directed to you, your self-esteem depletes and you become disgusted with yourself and live in self-doubt.
All of those harsh words, overwhelming comments and words were put into your world, stinging your heart and making you unsure of yourself.
This point you have to realize your self-worth and replace those negative and harsh comments with positive affirmations. Remind yourself why you’re good inside and out, what makes you stand out and choose to define your happiness by yourself and for yourself.
4. Feeling Detached
Isolation often leads to detachment and any form of detachment be it a feeling of distance and calmness, going into overdrive on shopping sprees or even object happiness is a way your mind is trying to defend you.
This is just one quick way you’ll know that emotional abuse has taken place and the feeling you’re getting afterward is as a result of an abuse.
Sometimes, its assumed depression is caused by anger but I know emotional abuse can make you slip in and out of depression. Being emotional abused makes you give up on emotions and any chances of getting real happiness, and sometimes on life because they’ve been beaten down and trampled on by the emotions of other people.
So, it puts you in a position where you feel no safety whatsoever, just shame, fear, anger and thinking of ways to punish themselves. I get it. You’re at the moment were you’re being stripped out the energy in you, and when you run out of energy you slip into depression.
7. You Live in Blame
At this stage, it becomes devastating- you live in self-condemnation and blame yourself for being abused. You begin to feel victimized. If someone hits you, it’s very easy to see and say that he is the problem but if the abuse was verbal and subtle. You’ll more likely think it’s your problem.
Emotional abuse is more personal than physical abuse more about who you are and more about your worth.
The truth is that emotional abuse causes havoc on our lives. At this point, you have to recognize that you’re emotionally abused and ready to heal. But,, the truth is that, healing from those traumas cannot begin until the abuse is stopped either by challenging the abuse and leaving the relationship.
Well, it’s easier said than done. The fear we suffer as a result of the abuse makes it difficult to challenge our abuser, thinks there’s no way to escape.
But, if you manage to escape, and be free from the abuse, it’s become an uphill battle to heal. In the end, you need to find happiness and you need to feel yourself in a positive.