Just so you know, we on a journey for emotional healing and whatsoever childhood experience that is wrecking your relationship or life as an adult shouldn’t be. You should understand that everything your parents, caregiver, or guardian did for you while growing up, they did because of their love for you, or the unconscious patterns that their own parents subjected them into.
How Your Childhood Can Affect Your Life
Growing up, we’re always at the mercy of our parents, solely dependant on how much love, care, and attention we should get. We grow up allowing the hurt, the disapproval, the love and the support, to become part of our childhood experience
Living through childhood should be a total package of fun, happiness and crazy. But, sometimes it isn’t. When it’s beautiful, it ushers you to an amazing adulthood. But when there’s a pattern of trauma, emotional abuse, neglect or abandonment, it chips away any child’s sense of stability and undermines self-worth; that sticks to you for a long time.
The resultant of my childhood experience has left me with no choice than to be nothing else. And one of the things that has made me a emotionally rigid is because I’m afraid to end up just like my mum ended up or with the same partner just like my father.
At a tender age, our life is already shaped whether you believe it or not. Even before you know it, you begin to see things that you don’t have the innate capacity to explain how you feel. You absorb more than you can ever imagine that radiates now in your life today.
You’re shaped to either become rigid, timid, accommodating and naive, independent, reckless, or too low self-esteemed, materialistic, distrustful, insecure. The list can go on and on without an end especially when our emotions are always placed at the tipping balance. The outcome becomes an adult attachment disorder that defines us based on our childhood bitter and traumatic experience.
With such emotional imbalance, you’re left to wonder that there must be something wrong with you. In the ability to regulate your emotions, you assume you’re an imbecile worthy of all neglects. You feel need to fix the broken part of “you” that you think your life solely depends on and can’t live without. You feel all urgency to mend your anger, anxiety, depression, and cure your inner sadness. You’re amazed at how low you feel and can’t explain what’s dragging you to the ground.
You’re hurt because all you know is pain and what you feel is bitterness and hurt, that can take many years, and a lot of patience for you to explore and clarify your inner self that the hurt is undeserved and there are a lot of things going on in an adult’s life that you’re entirely blameless and shouldn’t affect your life.
Sometimes you have seen your other parent humiliating the other, ignoring or hurting you, you’re left to feel so is marriage or other relationships out there. And you find yourself creating no room to have one or be in any relationship, because of the eyes you see people and from the angle you view them from. Once as a child your sense of identity is shattered, it takes years of hard work to rebuild those broken pieces and start trusting again.
Or if you’ve been subjected to seeing a specific parent endure or go through pains when responded with intense contempt by the other parent. You might have difficulty starting your own family with the fears of becoming just like your parent. And you don’t trust yourself to make your kid feel safe or even care about them.
Or all you know in life is abandonment, you’ll grow up feeling you don’t deserve to be loved. All you can think is “why they left you”, and when you can’t understand the “why” you feel as though you don’t warrant the attention and the affection of others. You go on to blame yourself for being the reason your parents abandoned you. As an adult, you feel you must convince people around you to be with you. You feel like you must find love then you chase after love (as though you know what it is ) anywhere just to find a sense of belonging. You feel like making people stay with you because that’s what you understand as Love.
The trauma can go on and on.
They are emotional wounds you’re enduring that makes it easy to generalize others as the same. The self defense, characters and mentalities formed in response to our childhood experiences becomes the standard template we use to interpret anything or anyone.
We grow up to expect that everyone will turn out to become violent and definitely turn on us just like the people we grew up with- hasty generalization.
It’s not that you don’t long for affection or desire to live a beautiful life and relationship, you just can’t afford any confrontation or the baggage that goes on in a raging relationship even when the root of your emotional imbalance has long disappeared. You can’t afford to tip your emotions or having to condole with your other emotional trauma.
Your emotions have resorted to different ways to cope and survive, whether is to detach or restrain, endure or fight back, withhold or vent it out. Just about anything to keep it alive and protect it from more pains. And funny enough you don’t still recognize these patterns yet.