Revenge is sweet when served cold?
Back when all I thought was the perfect way to get back at my dad for all he made my mum and siblings pass through. I had a perfect Emily VanCamp’s revenge all planned out in my head. So much effort for the perfect revenge. I was hurting inside. And I knew it will only take just a few more thought till I do something really bad to him. I just wanted him to suffer a bit and see how it felt.
Just when I had the revenge planned in my head, we got a call that he was seriously sick I felt more pains and wished him a quick recovery and even prayed for him.
Looking back, I realized that while I wanted to get “revenge,” I simply wasn’t prepared for the flood of changes and challenges that came with getting revenge on him even though I thought I was ready.
A part of my heart cried for love.
Search your heart there’s always a calm part of you crying to be heard, you ignoring right? I don’t blame you.
But trust me you are not ready to do that, because you’ll just be a bad person like him.
I don’t have to prove to be his Child, I just wanted to be God’s Child and live above the hatred boiling at 0˚ degrees in my heart.
Even if I was to take revenge, I’ll still not feel better neither will I magically heal but I’ll grow to be like him and He wins! No way was I going to allow that happen.
Here are ways to scale through without getting stuck with negative emotions …
1. Waive the Past
If you ever tell me to forget the past or waive it, I’d consider you my second enemy after my dad. If just like me, you’re still thinking of the past events and unable to let go, then you’re doing it wrong just like I did. The past has a way of getting us stuck- mentally and physically too.
Don’t blame yourself and others from things that didn’t turn out right or the way you wanted. Just know you can never undo the past but you can definitely change the future. Letting go is a ticket to breaking free.
Think of one kind thing your abuser has ever done (that you never expected) and meditate on it.
Right now, I can’t believe I can have a civilized phone call with my father and ignoring all his banter as nothing happened. But it’s happening and I’m grateful.
2. Change your Perspective
My perspective was how to beat him to it but once I let go and release the grip of the past, I began to see life from a different angle, a beautiful life I grew up missing.
To gain a new perspective, open yourself to new people and ideas. Learn something new, spend some time alone and listen to your inner self.
You’ll begin to see into the possibilities of a better life, to live in new ways and feel free to always make changes to your life without the pains, neglect and hatred you grew up with.
3. Always Have Backup Plans
There’s a popular saying about not gathering all your eggs in one basket. This is life, anything can happen, there can be a spontaneous change with time, and when that time comes you wouldn’t want to be caught off balance.
You never can tell what life has in store for you, that’s the reason why you always need a contingency plan in place, when things go wrong. Be Ready and be Prepared or you will get stuck and want to choke up with all negative emotions you have once expelled.
4. Give Up your Bad Habits
You should know yourself best to know the habits; you really need to give up on it. Habit forms bit by bit until they become part of us and difficult to stop. But hey, it’s your life, and you alone can decide what comes with you and what you’ll drop along the way.
I had a very bad habit of procrastinating, not that I willingly gave in to procrastination; it was a build-up then a habit in me. Time is waiting for no one. The more you keep pampering those habits the more they weigh you down on your journey to heal. Just offload them and move on.
5. Learn to Accept Failure
Everyone at some level of their life looks to achieve a bit of breakthrough in life, career or other endeavors they engage. Just remember to add failure or obstacles to your guest list and be prepared to hit them right back.
So, it’s never personal when you fail, you just have to get up and keep moving. What matters is your reaction and mindset after failing at any junction.
I’m always good at nothing, but I never allowed it to define me or bare me from striving to succeed. Don’t allow the fear of failing to bare you from taking a step.
6. Explore your Life’s Purpose
I discovered there’s a lot that makes me happy, that’s keeping me feeling more alive, not a job (not that I have any) or the goals I have set for yourself. It’s just those things that I’m so passionate about and will fight for.
So you can feel free to explore if you feel need to change some of your life’s purpose or you feel like you haven’t found it yet and will need to have at least one.
Just always make happiness your priority and ask yourself some of these question to help your define your life’s purpose;
- What makes me happy?
- What do I enjoy doing?
- What is my favorite thing to do?
- What and who inspires me?
- What am I good at?
- What makes me feel good?
- What do I enjoy doing so much that I’m always committed?
At some point, you believe that you still feel that sounding voice of negative and revengeful thought for your abuser then say a prayer and ask God to take it away and that you’ll really need His Help.
I pray always and it’s being working out well for me, very effective. I trust, it’ll do the same for you.